loving life

i am sitting here ready for bed
watching this baby sleep

so many things are going through my head
sometimes it's so frustrating......
i have such a great baby and i am so blessed
she is
happy,
peaceful,
fun,
smiley,
sleeps through the night,
eats great,
doesn't spit up,
rarely cries,
is very laid back
and so enjoyable for me!
i want to tell everyone how great she is!
then i realize,
some people don't have it as good,
not all babies are this easy (i know!),
some can't have babies (i was told that too),
some have lost babies (i know that pain),
i have to check myself
and hope that i am sensitive to other situations.

this is kinda my safe place to brag!
it's crazy!
i sit here feeling guilty for typing these things,
for feeling these things,
for being so happy,
for enjoying life,
for loving this baby!
but then i stop.....
my life use to suck!!! (understatement!)
i lost more babies then i care to tell you....
i lost all hope
i had no joy
i felt no love
my heart was broken
i lived in loneliness
i had completely given up.
- let me tell you........that is a horrible place to try and live.

all i can tell you is this.....
now i believe in myself
i am stronger than i ever imagined
i know that i am loved
i found hope
my joy is restored
my heart is healed
loneliness is gone
and i was given a beautiful gift on top of it all!

when i tell you this baby is a miracle.........you really have no idea!
now i am going to go to bed and be thankful for great friends, a fabulous baby girl! and bask in the beauty of where i am now in my life....God is Good